Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's top comedians spent their airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched immigration initiative, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the affluent.

Colbert's Witty Analysis

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday tune about the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "The President ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new program which allows international citizens to acquire U.S. legal status for the price of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for $5 million. An official page pledges approval "in record time."

"A quick note here to rich applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll ratings during economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, where he reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.